An Awkward Moment

I used to have a best friend in grade 6 and 7 (I’m in university now if you remember). Note the ‘used to’. It’s kind of sad when I think about it, because we shared so many jokes, wrote so many letters, had so many phone chats, etc etc. But I guess she was always the kind of girl to get ticked off easily, and eventually near the end of grade 7 she sort of ditched me. I could tell because she avoided me, hung out with other friends, and passed letters to other girls, and I barely knew why. I guess she didn’t really ditch me like, right out front (face-to-face or anything), probably because we were about to leave elementary school anyways, but I could tell our friendship had ended. Yeah, elementary school drama was messed up; people were getting ditched all the time.

Anyways, today I saw her at my bus stop. After elementary school, we never talked (different high schools), so when I noticed her from her back (for some reason I still recognized her posture/hair style) from like 15 meters away, I slowed down and stopped like 3 meters from her at the bus stop. It was very awkward, because I knew that she knew who I was and I’m pretty sure I saw her peeking (I was peeking too I guess). But she also looked like she didn’t want to talk to me and kept looking the other way, so I decided to not talk to her. Instead I pulled out my mp3 player because she had her iPod out and was also texting on her phone.

Maybe I should have approached her, maybe I should have said hi, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I really wonder why? Maybe because we were so different now? And the way it ended in grade 7, it was just too awkward. But the sad thing is we did say hi on facebook a few years back lol, it’s stupid how reality is so different from social networking.

Anyways, the wait for the bus was weird and awkward. And now I kind of wish I said hi, to see her response and to end the awkward moment. I hate thinking about what could have been, and how friends come and go. Sighh.

Take it or Leave it #2

“Friends come and go. You can never have too  many good friends at once. Keep those who are always there for you, the ones you can call up anytime and you know they’ll listen, or the ones who love you for who you are (no matter how many stupid things you did)”

Quoted by me.

This is one of my own famous musings, the fact that you can’t have that many good friends at once. My friend once said he wanted to meet loads of people and become good friends with all of them, and I just shook my head and told him it wouldn’t work out. He’d either lose his old good friends, or unsuccessfully become ‘just friends’ with most of them.

I say this because more often than not, a good friend takes time to build and keep. After I left high school, I realized that so many of  my ‘friends’ from high school weren’t ever really my good friend. They were the type that would say you should hang out and do something, but in the end they don’t really remember you. Because they have their own good friends, and you’re just an acquaintance.

I used to think I had a lot of friends, or I used to work to achieve that, but in the end, I realized that the ones who really mattered were my best friends. I probably did a lot of things that upset them, and I’m pretty sure I didn’t give them enough attention, but they’re still here for me, and they still accept me for who am I am. I may have my mood swings, and I may go out and meet new people, but slowly I’ve learned to appreciate my good friends and not take them for granted. It took me a long time to figure this out, so please, don’t brush off the people that matter.

That Nagging Feeling Again…

I find that I have a lot of mood swings. At one minute I’m laughing and having a good time, but at another minute I’m feeling blue and like no one cares.

This past month has been busy for me, but I’ve also gotten to meet a lot of new people (as I’ve probably said before). I’ve also gotten the chance to hang out with some old friends. But right now I can’t help but feeling kind of weird (as usual, but it’s hitting hard tonight). I feel like I’m wasting my time doing things I don’t really want to do. Like I’m hanging out with the wrong people, and that those people don’t really give a crap about what I’m feeling. Everything seems so bland, like I’m going through the motions of going out, doing stuff, talking to people, but nothing feels real. Am I missing something – is there something out there that I’m looking for?

Sigh I need more sleep.

Take it or Leave it #1

“It’s not until you meet some new people in life that you realize maybe you were holding on a little too tightly before. But it’s also not until you meet some new people in life that you realize how much some people actually mattered.”

Quoted by me.

I feel like randomly I will think up quotes, so I’m going to make a whole category for them. Honestly, the quote may be wrong or right, don’t judge me on them please, I may just be having a bad day. This quote came about because lately I’ve been meeting quite a lot of new people through clubs and work and stuff, and I’ve actually been a lot happier because it’s been able to free my mind a bit and not think about things I’ve been thinking about too much. However, I also feel that I’m losing my connections with my old friends now because I’ve been so busy, and that I actually kind of miss hanging out with them. There’s only so much ‘new’ that I can handle, but ‘familiar’ is sometimes so much more relaxing to be around.

Can a boy and a girl be best friends, without being more?

So I was going to write my next post on something more useful, but something has been bothering me lately and today it fully hit. The topic is…

Boys and Girls: Can they be best friends? (or very good friends)

Anyways, to give you a little bit of background, I have a best friend for life, who is a girl. But at the moment I also have two other really good friends who are both guys. None of these friends really get along with each other, so I usually hang out with one group, and then hop to the other.

However, lately I’ve been feeling kind of bothered thanks to these two ‘good friends that are boys’. I’ll explain my case:

• Case #1: The first ‘good friend who is a boy’ shall be referred to as DR. Him and I became really good friends about 2 years ago, although we’ve seen each other around in high school for longer than that. What brought us together was when our two circle of friends collided, and thanks to a whole series of issues, we always had a lot of things to chat about. However, I could never see him as my boyfriend (totally not what I want), and he also doesn’t see me in that way either. Since we graduated, we just chill every now and then, and go out to shop/eat when we have free time.

However, what’s been bothering me is two things. Firstly, ever since we graduated, we’ve really been going different ways. I’m striving to be more outgoing and involved in my university, but he has shown no sign of improvement (he doesn’t get along with many people and doesn’t talk a lot), which kind of makes me think if I can even continue to be his friend. For example, I can never invite him to hang out with my other friends because he’d just hang off to the side and not talk, even if I encourage chit-chat. It really feels like I’m too different compared to him now. The second thing is that since we go out every now and then to shop/eat, people (his friends and my friends) have the impression that we are ‘together’, and have been spreading this rumor. This really sucks because it’s causing some other boys to turn away from me, meaning less chance of finding a boyfriend (I’m not boy crazy but I don’t want to miss out on any opportunities either).

• Case #2: The second ‘good friend who is a boy’ shall be referred to as NS. I became close friends with him last year in university, and we went out a lot when we were bored. I guess he’s the type of person who is more social and can easily talk to people. When we first met, we were cool with being good friends and talked about our other likes and stuff, but eventually he ended up asking me out. I was surprised and said no (similar to Jill in my last post). I guess I’ll have to admit that maybe I set my standards a bit too high. However, we continued to be ‘good friends’ after that incident, sort of. He got a new girlfriend, and we became more distant. I admit that I missed him for awhile, but then I got over it. Now, I think whenever I hang out with him, his girlfriend gets jealous, which is kind of expected but also kind of displaying a lack of trust between them. I don’t know, should I leave, or keep my promise that I’d always be his good friend?

So, can anyone provide me with some advice or opinion? I really want to know if it’s worth it for me to save either one of these friendships.

Oops. I didn’t mean to fall for my best friend.

Relationships: they’re difficult.

But hey, what’s a life without them? Friends, acquaintances, best friends, good friends, boyfriends, girlfriends…I plan on blogging about my thoughts on everything random, but today’s topic is:

Falling for your Best Friend (or good friend)

” Jack and Jill met each other through a friend at school. From the moment they met, they clicked extremely well and could chat about almost anything. They studied together, went out for coffee, talked on msn, and sometimes even on the phone. And the best part? Both of them knew that the other liked someone else, so both could comfortably talk about their own relationship issues without a worry. It was relaxed, it was chill, and both Jack and Jill thought they could be friends forever….

Until Jack fell for Jill. It had been about a year since they met, and all of a sudden, Jack realized that every time Jill wasn’t there, he missed her. He would call her up almost every day, he would try to bump into her at other events, he would do anything…just to see her. In Jack’s mind, he thought, “If Jill is always willing to come out with me to do things, doesn’t that mean she might like me too?” But on the other hand, if he ever expressed his feelings for her, would that mean their friendship would end?

Jill never thought about Jack in that way. She was content having a good friend there to talk to, or maybe she was too busy to think about it, or maybe she was just too used to treating Jack as a friend, and only a friend.

Both Jack and Jill did not know each others’ situation.

One day, Jack takes Jill out for dinner as an ‘end-of-school-year celebration’. After the dinner, they decide to relax and take a walk around downtown. Jack thinks this is the best opportunity to ask Jill how she feels about him. Is this the right thing for Jack to do?”

Does this sound like you? Or have you ever been in this situation (either as Jack or Jill)? A big chance is that if you’re reading this article, then yes, you have.

Well, I’ve been in a few of these situations, and to tell you the truth, every time it happens, I learn something new. Good friends are hard to come by, so here are a few pointers:

1. If you’re the one falling for your best friend.
   Think hard, but not too hard. If you think you are seriously in love with your good friend, and you won’t stop until you get a definitive answer from them, then in my opinion, you should go for it. Tell them how you feel, ask them out, and try your best. There’s no use in trying to ‘save the friendship’ by not saying anything, because if you don’t say anything, in the end you’ll just be hurting yourself.
   • If your friend accepts you:
     Great! That’s all good and there’s nothing else for me to say.
   • If they reject you or turn you down:
     Take it easy. And step back. One thing I know for sure is that if you try again the next day, you’re going to get the same answer. So then, it’s up to you to decide what you want: keep liking them or move on?

     My suggestion is to give each other a bit of time, do other things, talk to other people, and then try again (in about a month). My reason for this is that often your friend just never thought of you in that way, so they rejected you. But maybe if you break off for a bit, they will begin to realize what you really meant to them. They might have missed you too. It’s all about the timing. Try again, and see what happens.

     If in the end, all fails, and your good friend just won’t accept you, then it’s time to move on. If you want to save the friendship, go ahead and try to save it, but often it’s better to leave some things behind.

2. If your best friend falls for you.
   Here there are two options you can fall under:
   • If you like them back too:
     That’s great, I think you should give it a chance. If you two click, then in my opinion, that’s the best base for a relationship.
   • If you don’t like them back, or never thought about it before:
     Take a breath, and tell your friend to give you some time to think about it. Often, it comes as a shock to find out your best friend has been crazy over you, but when you take some time and really think about it, it’s not such a bad thing, is it? If you two can comfortably talk about anything, and you two hang out often, then that’s just one step away from being ‘together’. All I’m saying is: give it some thought. Imagine yourself without this friend, how would you feel? Maybe your feelings will change, maybe not. But give it some thought. Period.

Well, I hope you found my pointers useful, or at the very least , now you have an idea of what you can do if you find yourself in such a situation. To end it off, I’ll give you the ending of Jack and Jill’s story, because it was a true story, after all.

“That night, Jack did ask Jill if they could be ‘more than friends’. Jill was very surprised and didn’t know what to say. In the end, she said no, because she honestly had never thought of Jack in that way. The night ended, and Jack went home broken-hearted. However, he didn’t want to pressure Jill any further, so he never mentioned it after the incident.

On the other hand, Jill spent the next month thinking back and wondering how it would be if she had said yes. To be truthful, maybe she did like him after all, but since he was always there, she had taken him for granted. Unfortunately, a month later, Jack had already started going out with another girl whom he clicked very well with in class. Jill was surprised, but tried to be happy for him even though she wished she had never said no. It’s been half a year now and Jill has moved on, and the two friends don’t talk as much as they used to. C’est la vie!”

Feel free to comment with suggestions and ideas!