Relationships: they’re difficult.
But hey, what’s a life without them? Friends, acquaintances, best friends, good friends, boyfriends, girlfriends…I plan on blogging about my thoughts on everything random, but today’s topic is:
Falling for your Best Friend (or good friend)
” Jack and Jill met each other through a friend at school. From the moment they met, they clicked extremely well and could chat about almost anything. They studied together, went out for coffee, talked on msn, and sometimes even on the phone. And the best part? Both of them knew that the other liked someone else, so both could comfortably talk about their own relationship issues without a worry. It was relaxed, it was chill, and both Jack and Jill thought they could be friends forever….
Until Jack fell for Jill. It had been about a year since they met, and all of a sudden, Jack realized that every time Jill wasn’t there, he missed her. He would call her up almost every day, he would try to bump into her at other events, he would do anything…just to see her. In Jack’s mind, he thought, “If Jill is always willing to come out with me to do things, doesn’t that mean she might like me too?” But on the other hand, if he ever expressed his feelings for her, would that mean their friendship would end?
Jill never thought about Jack in that way. She was content having a good friend there to talk to, or maybe she was too busy to think about it, or maybe she was just too used to treating Jack as a friend, and only a friend.
Both Jack and Jill did not know each others’ situation.
One day, Jack takes Jill out for dinner as an ‘end-of-school-year celebration’. After the dinner, they decide to relax and take a walk around downtown. Jack thinks this is the best opportunity to ask Jill how she feels about him. Is this the right thing for Jack to do?”
Does this sound like you? Or have you ever been in this situation (either as Jack or Jill)? A big chance is that if you’re reading this article, then yes, you have.
Well, I’ve been in a few of these situations, and to tell you the truth, every time it happens, I learn something new. Good friends are hard to come by, so here are a few pointers:
- If you’re the one falling for your best friend.
Think hard, but not too hard. If you think you are seriously in love with your good friend, and you won’t stop until you get a definitive answer from them, then in my opinion, you should go for it. Tell them how you feel, ask them out, and try your best. There’s no use in trying to ‘save the friendship’ by not saying anything, because if you don’t say anything, in the end you’ll just be hurting yourself.
- If your friend accepts you:
Great! That’s all good and there’s nothing else for me to say.
- If they reject you or turn you down:
Take it easy. And step back. One thing I know for sure is that if you try again the next day, you’re going to get the same answer. So then, it’s up to you to decide what you want: keep liking them or move on?
My suggestion is to give each other a bit of time, do other things, talk to other people, and then try again (in about a month). My reason for this is that often your friend just never thought of you in that way, so they rejected you. But maybe if you break off for a bit, they will begin to realize what you really meant to them. They might have missed you too. It’s all about the timing. Try again, and see what happens.
If in the end, all fails, and your good friend just won’t accept you, then it’s time to move on. If you want to save the friendship, go ahead and try to save it, but often it’s better to leave some things behind.
- If your best friend falls for you.
Here there are two options you can fall under:
- If you like them back too:
That’s great, I think you should give it a chance. If you two click, then in my opinion, that’s the best base for a relationship.
- If you don’t like them back, or never thought about it before:
Take a breath, and tell your friend to give you some time to think about it. Often, it comes as a shock to find out your best friend has been crazy over you, but when you take some time and really think about it, it’s not such a bad thing, is it? If you two can comfortably talk about anything, and you two hang out often, then that’s just one step away from being ‘together’. All I’m saying is: give it some thought. Imagine yourself without this friend, how would you feel? Maybe your feelings will change, maybe not. But give it some thought. Period.
Well, I hope you found my pointers useful, or at the very least , now you have an idea of what you can do if you find yourself in such a situation. To end it off, I’ll give you the ending of Jack and Jill’s story, because it was a true story, after all.
“That night, Jack did ask Jill if they could be ‘more than friends’. Jill was very surprised and didn’t know what to say. In the end, she said no, because she honestly had never thought of Jack in that way. The night ended, and Jack went home broken-hearted. However, he didn’t want to pressure Jill any further, so he never mentioned it after the incident.
On the other hand, Jill spent the next month thinking back and wondering how it would be if she had said yes. To be truthful, maybe she did like him after all, but since he was always there, she had taken him for granted. Unfortunately, a month later, Jack had already started going out with another girl whom he clicked very well with in class. Jill was surprised, but tried to be happy for him even though she wished she had never said no. It’s been half a year now and Jill has moved on, and the two friends don’t talk as much as they used to. C’est la vie!”
Feel free to comment with suggestions and ideas!